Neurology #2

3 weeks ago, I returned to Dr. Cellphone's office ready to eat someone, anyone (everyone!) if I had to. I had a bulleted list of points to make while dishing out some emotional whiplash  to the cellphone talking, misogynistic, assumption making, fat-hating idiot.

As it turned out, I didn't see the Dr. Instead, I saw the RN. She spent a few moments reading through my file--my medical history, the notes I'd given them about my life, and the ADHD test and "sleep" study results. The longer she took to get the whole picture, the less angry I felt.

Not less upset, mind you. I just wasn't in the mood to eat anyone alive any more.

She started with, "Your test results would indicate you have ADHD." I cried.

The RN paused a moment and then moved away from the Dr. Seat into the other Patient Seat and said, "Tell me what's going on."

I cried more.

And as I continued to cry, I told her how Dr. Nomanners threw it out there that I need to weigh 110 pounds, sleep 3 hours more than I already try to, and exercise "more" than who even knows what because 1) I work out with my sister regularly and 2) I weighed this much when I played rugby, swam, and rode my bike to work. I told her how he accused my husband of not doing enough, like he should be up until 12am with the baby and then up again at 5:30am because Baby's, well, a baby.

By then I had stopped crying and I was able to move seamlessly into the fact that, beyond the general waste of investing in a bad doctor, I can't invest in all of these tests and trying out different medications because there is a very real possibility that we're going to lose our health insurance by 2011.

And, just for good measure, I threw in the strange sidenote Dr. Insane had about "restless leg syndrome" because, honestly, what do you expect a woman to do when her entire body and her brain pulse with the need to move but the only socially acceptable action during conversation is a small leg movement or two?

The RN listened carefully. She nodded, she empathized. She started with, "I think you have ADHD. We can start you on Ritalin because it's the cheapest without health insurance. If you lose your insurance I can change the appointment codes and space them farther apart. You can afford this. You can do it."

And she ended with "You're beautiful."

In the middle were minor details like, Dr. Whatshisface is some amazing neurologist and he's respected all over the world for his amazing inventions. The real point of all this was 1) she'll talk to him about saying stupid things to patients (again) and 2) he's so damned busy with all of this other not-me stuff that I won't be seeing him again, anyway. And she mentioned, "I'm not excusing him. It's unacceptable. Have you ever heard of a genius with no social skills?"

So long story short, I've been on Ritalin for 3 weeks. I was also given a pill to help me fall asleep but, as the time stamp for this post will show, I haven't been taking it regularly. My head feels like it's sloshing around 1/2 the time and I don't like that.

I'm not fond of the Ritalin, either. I have amazing concentration abilities but I can also feel myself moving 1 bagillion miles a minute (inside and out).

Follow-up appointment at the end of the week and health insurance prospects have improved somewhat. We'll see what happens.