Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ups and Downs

My learning team was 35 minutes to prepare an impromptu 5-10 minute presentation tonight. We ROCKED it.

My teammates are relatively easy going women but I asked them to jump up and take risks with me. A powerpoint wasn't required but we decided to go for it. It was beautiful. We had several resources and examples for each of our degrees (as opposed to the 1 required for the grade).

We strolled up to the front of the room amongst friendly accusations of being over achievers, I opened up the USB drive and the document wasn't there.

We ended up doing the presentation off the cuff. We still rocked it but I was very disappointed in myself. I was so sure I'd saved it! I was left with the very familiar adrenaline rush. The less desirable but still familiar heart pounding and let down than an unnecessary risk leaves when it doesn't bring a reward dampened things for me.

More than anything, I was upset with myself for dragging my teammates through all of this. I've been through it a million times but they trusted me to guide them to success and I didn't come through.

I realize now what I've been putting myself through. I say I've become comfortable with the adrenaline highs and the disappointments over the last 20+ years but disappointment is disappointment. Maybe they've just become part of the regular routine.

If this is the case, I've got a lot of changes to make in myself as a student, a professional, and as a friend and family member.

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